Political Theater

There's been a lot of ink spilled saying that the Kagan confirmation hearings would be (and were) nothing more than political theater. Well, I didn't really buy it at first, but after watching the hearings and looking through the transcripts, I'm afraid I have to agree.

While this reporter encourages you to check out the hearings for yourselves, this kind of questioning must lead you to believe that the cries of political theater aren't going to be getting any kind of early curtain call:

SEN. TOM COBURN (R), OKLAHOMA: Do you bite your thumb at us, Ms. Kagan?
KAGAN: I do bite my thumb, sir.
COBURN: Do you bite your thumb at us, Ms. Kagan?

KAGAN: Is the law of our side, if I say ay?

SEN. AL FRANKEN (D), MINNESOTA: No.

KAGAN: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.

***

SEN. GRASSLEY (R), IOWA: To be or not to be, that is the question.

KAGAN: You mean whether 'tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them?

GRASSLEY: Actually, let's table that. Right now I'd rather get your feelings on sleep and perchance dreaming.

***

SEN. CARDIN (D), MARYLAND: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

KAGAN: It is the east, and established precedent is the sun.

***

SEN. KLOBUCHAR (D), MINNESOTA: I guess it means you missed the midnight debut of the third 'Twilight' movie last night. We did not miss it in our household, and it culminated in three 15-year-old girls sleeping over at 3 a.m. . . . I keep wanting to ask you about the famous case of Edward vs. Jacob or the vampire vs. the werewolf.

KAGAN: If she must teem, create her child of spleen, that it may live and be a thwart disnatur'd torment to her! Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth, with cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks, turn all her mother's pains and benefits to laughter and contempt, that she may feel how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!

***

SEN. LEAHY (D), VERMONT: Thank you Ms. Kagan. I know we are all looking forward to more questioning tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.

The Future of the Judiciary?

Easterbot? Robo-Posner? If mad scientist Pierre L'Brillian has his way, these two judges will be the new model of judicial efficiency.

I hate to diverge from my well-known Supreme Court focus, but I did want to let everyone know that Dr. L'Brillian's plan would literally install the judges on the 7th Circuit for as long as their robot parts can carry them. Details are sketchy, but we have uncovered prototypes of the new robot bodies that will one day allow the judges to hear and decide as many as 100 cases a day.

I must admit that I am cautiously optimistic. But am I the only one who's worried about the possibility of a (7th) Short Circuit?

The "Forceful Advocate"

If you haven't heard, the buzz out of Washington is that Obama has tapped Kagan for the new Supreme Court post. My sources inside the administration tell me that Obama had been planning on appointing Sweatman to Justice Stevens (see my previous post) but backed down at the last minute because he wanted "a more forceful advocate in the Solicitor General position." The logic goes that Sweatman, with his once-in-a-generation litigation and legal skills, can work to persuade the court from the outside while Kagan operates on the inside.

Aides were reluctant to mention this, but some of the pressure against Sweatman may have come from a personal grudge. A source high-up in the administration spoke with me on condition of strict anonymity. "Obama is still stinging from being upstaged at the State of the Union," the source said. "Every year Sweatman hosts the most lavish and important party in the city of Chicago, and this year he planned it for the same day as the State of the Union speech. Needless to say, Obama was burned that a lot of his friends and close relations back home were attending the 'Sweatfest' instead of watching the speech."

While personal grievances often influence personnel decisions, we find this theory unlikely. Especially given that Sweatman once saved Obama's life (the future president's car stalled out on a train track, and Lyle Sweatman pulled Obama from his car just in time to avoid an oncoming Burlington-Northern train).

As for this blog, we salute you, Elena Kagan. And, Mr. Sweatman, we wished we could have you on the bench, but we still look forward to having such a fierce advocate in front of it.

Lyle Sweatman to Replace Justice Stevens?

After weeks of speculation that Obama may name a federal court outsider to the Justice Stevens' Supreme Court vacancy, insiders have it on good account that the nominee may be even more "outside" than anticipated. Although this blogger didn't believe it at first, an administrative source speaking on condition of anonymity indicated that Obama is "about 75% likely" to appoint Lyle Sweatman to the nation's highest court.

Most readers won't be familiar with Lyle Sweatman, a young and mostly reclusive man. Sweatman is a famed recluse and has avoided the public eye. Photographs of him are hard to come by, but this photograph is believed either to a photograph of him, or one taken by him during an outing that began as a fishing expedition and ended with the capture of 7 pirates and $1 million dollars worth of recovered booty.

Although not all tales about Sweatman's life are believed to be so extraordinary, he has had a sensational legal career thus far. Lyle Sweatman passed the California bar examination before going to law school, a degree that he finished in less than a single year. Sweatman has rarely argued before the Supreme Court, however, it is rumored that he has submitted nearly 100 amicus briefs, and has never submitted a brief for the losing side.

Depending on who you ask, Sweatman is either a die-hard originalist or a radical "judicial activist." It has long been rumored that Sweatman is close friends with Justices Thomas and Justice Stevens, and he once dated Elena Kagan and Diane Wood at the same time. His likely appointment comes as no surprise to the most ardent court-watchers. To the rest of us, though, this is quite a shock.

We knew Obama wanted to choose someone he wouldn't have any trouble confirming. We just didn't know it would be Lyle Sweatman.